Monthly Archive for February, 2010

An egg is nothing like a poem

Published on February 26, 2010 in Cats and Cool. Closed

I feel worse eating the pretty eggs from the farmer’s market. Those chickens in factory farms are de-beaked and so drugged up that they don’t even realize they’re laying eggs. Meanwhile, these little guys are the product of a chicken that was hugged by a child in Fredericksburg. Maybe that chicken started thinking something better would come of her eggs, like they’d hatch and become presidents or at least moderately successful in business.

My bedroom is now a cat-free zone. The bed is no longer a spot for all-day naps and Turk can’t make it to third base with the laundry rack anymore. The apartment is weird and small with one door closed and it makes me think about how much a familiar space becomes a part of you. Try moving a chair from one side of your room to the other. Things get weird.

Anyway, I’m sleeping with earplugs now because the cats scratch at the door all night, but I think this is an important part of Becoming a Functional Adult. My allergist, if I could afford an allergist, would be proud.

If you like poetry, you should check out Nick Courtright’s Elegy for the Builder’s Wife, online via Blue Hour Press. If you don’t like poetry, screw you, get out of here.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.

I found a venue for my Dzanc Day workshop. Proceeds go to bring creative writing programs to kids in need. If you’re in the area and you’d like to eat nilla wafers and rap flash fiction with me for four hours, check it out.

Tonight I’m reading some Salinger at the Ransom Center along with ZZ Packer, Betsy Crane, AE Ward, Nick Flynn, and John Pipkin. I hope this one is as illuminating as the David Foster Wallace show. I’m into this reading-party thing.

Listen. At the end of the day, an omelet’s just an omelet.

turd turd turd, turd’s the word

Published on February 23, 2010 in Cool and Total Wreck. 1 Comment

You know you’re doing some high-brow writing when you have to right-click and add “turds” to the dictionary.

I hear that the last of the first-round Paper Egg cleanup might mean some-of-you get a second or third extra copy of AM/PM. Some kind folks are giving their spare copies to friends, which pleases me greatly. If you’ve read the book and liked it at any price, perhaps you could leave a review? I think that helps so let’s try it.

A wintry mix is coming down. My Texas self is pretty sure it’s about to turn into hail and my Arizona self ran downstairs in my socks to try and catch some of it in my hand. It appears to be some kind of not-beautiful clumped sleet-like substance. Turds of snow, if you will. My neighbor is taking a picture of it. I’ve got a real strong impulse to go to the store and buy hot dogs but I believe I will hold off: Texas drivers all simultaneously let go of their steering wheels and are currently letting God sort it out.

CellStories

Published on February 22, 2010 in stories. Closed

My story “These Are The Fables” is up today at CellStories. If you have a phone with a browser on it, point your phone at that website and you’ll be free to read about positive pregnancy tests, burning doughnut shops, and the Corpus Christi Days Inn where Selena was murdered. It is an expanded version of a story I wrote on tour this summer.

From Yoko Ono’s Twitter

Published on February 18, 2010 in Quotes. 2 Comments

Send a paper moon to your friend. Ask him to burn it
about 23 hours ago

People need shadows to rest in. I would advise you to send a bucket of shadow to a friend
9:00 AM Feb 12th

A man who thinks a room is filled with things can only say Be careful
9:01 AM Feb 8th

The colors in your room correspond to heat energy: tension-vibration in your mind
9:02 AM Feb 4th

Tape the sound of the lake gradually freezing. Drink a cup of hot chocolate, afterwards.
9:00 AM Dec 30th

Your room of long standing starts to resemble your mind and becomes symmetrical and/or complimentary to your mind
9:01 AM Feb 2nd

Each time we don’t say what we want to say we’re dying. Make a list of how many times you died this week.
9:01 AM Jan 14th

Listen to your breathing. Listen to your child breathing. Listen to your friend breathing. Keep listening.
9:00 AM Jan 26th

(link)

Ice-T is 52 years old today

Published on February 16, 2010 in Cool. Closed

Jetlag’s got me permascrewy. I go to bed at 8pm and I’m up writing way before dawn. I am a word-farmer. I should make a king cake for my girlfriends today, but I have a lot of words to write for work. “Maybe I can do it all.”

Yesterday and today I’ve been reading and learning about Tallulah Bankhead. There was once a time when being a bad-girl celebrity meant sitting around and thinking up scandalous quotes. A few of hers:

“My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.”

“I’m not at my best when I start to moralize or philosophize. Logic is elusive, especially to one who so rarely uses it.”

“Here’s a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.”

That Lohan girl should bring this ish back. YouTube turns up an episode of The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour featuring Ms. Bankhead. Apparently Lucille Ball didn’t much like sharing the stage and Tallulah was fairly smashed for the whole day of taping.

Someone found this blog searching for onion ‘expierience’ crying’.

So hard / Too hard

Published on February 14, 2010 in Teaching and privet. 4 Comments

When I got home, I found a tiny plant growing out of my bathroom sink. I admired the delicate green leaf that had been unfolding for weeks, and then I unscrewed the stopper and ripped it out by its root structure.

Home means allergies. I realized in Singapore that I was actually breathing clearly through my nose, which I hadn’t really done in all my years in Texas and through most of my time in Arizona. It allowed me to close my mouth as I breathed, which, in turn, gave me a chance to not look like a huge moron.

we meet again

It was fun to see Michael in Albuquerque. I read and met with some fun UNM and PCA/ACA folk. Michael and I goofed around, went on walks, and found a tumbleweed larger than the both of us. I bought a lovely scarf that reminds me of a fish and a pair of Santa Lucia milagros for vision.

probably holding my breath here

For Valentine’s Day I’m giving my students edits on Paper 1. My sweet gnu is currently yelling at hotel laundry staff members in Bangalore, so the extravagant sentiment must be put on hold. I think I’m coming down with something, anyway.

On the flight back I read a good Steve Almond essay about rock music and Dave Grohl that was randomly in Southwest’s Spirit Magazine. I think I’ll read it to my students, along with part of the piece about how Warren Buffett subverts the cliche in his letters to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders. This issue of Spirit Magazine made me want to subscribe or at least fly more often.

I don’t care what none of y’all say about Grape Nuts

Published on February 11, 2010 in Star Trek: The Next Generation and well anyway later. Closed

Two days ago I was in Singapore, then I was in Tokyo, and today I’m eating Grape Nuts at my friend Michael’s place in Albuquerque. My brain doesn’t feel scrambled exactly, but with the addition of some hollandaise sauce it would make a nice benedict. I dreamt that I was at an art show examining a retrospective of the life of Geordi La Forge rendered in lifelike diorama. Young Geordi clothed in white robes. I’m gonna read some Star Trek TNG fanfiction on the UNM campus Friday afternoon, come-on-out.

I don’t know what this Google Buzz thing is all about but I scrolled down to the bottom of my inbox and turned it off before I wasted too much time trying to understand.

On the plane I watched The Invention of Lying. I was disappointed that it got so dumb in the last hour. The first five minutes were funny but on the whole the concept would have been better as a two-season TV series. Do what you’re good at. Grape Nuts is the best cereal of all time. Well anyway later.

Published on February 8, 2010 in Pictures. Closed

Published on February 5, 2010 in Pictures. Closed

We are losing the best minds of our generation to Farmville

Published on February 1, 2010 in real talk and self snap. Closed

Time it should take to consider a manicure, decide you’d rather save the money, go to the store and buy a bottle of nail polish: 1.5 hours

Time it takes Amelia Gray: 7 days

Teak Rose
(not pictured: crushing insecurity)

Five Things happened Friday night. I’m starting to get why having people read more than five minutes becomes appealing from a planning perspective—getting five readers together means all this buildup on the organization side for less than a half hour of listening pleasure. Dunno how the Quickies gals do it in Chicago. (Amphetamines.)

Keeping the time limit is worth it for the feeling of flash. The show featured our contest winners, so it was an extra treat to meet people and see them read at once. A couple of them told me they had never read on stage before, which was nuts with what they brought. After the reading the bands played and a girl danced with a pint of beer balanced on her head.

Speaking of readings, a must-see in Austin: Salvador Plascencia is reading at 7PM, Thurs., Feb 4 In the Joynes Reading Room, behind Carothers Residence Hall at 2501 Whitis Ave on the UT campus. The reading is free and open to the public. Call 512-471-5787 or mvalentine@mail.utexas.edu for more information.