1. Your local bookstore
2. Online from the publisher on either paper or eBook
3. Online from Amazon (only a few copies left at the moment)
4. At the release party in Austin at BookWoman, Oct 4. I’m excited to read with Mary Miller, details forthcoming.

You’ll find press info here. Find Dan Wickett here:

“At times I worry that an author has maybe opted to go with an idea that is a bit of a reach, even for their many talents.  I’ve learned to quit doing that with Amelia Gray and her stories, and after reading a couple of sentences, always decide to scrunch back in my chair and really settle in, as who knows where the hell she’s taking it.  In what is becoming a very long streak, Gray has never gone anywhere that hasn’t amazed me.”

—Dan Wickett, Emerging Writers Network/Dzanc Books

everything is fucked

On Friday I went ice skating. Rental skates are twenty-pound weights balanced on two halves of a steel dinner plate. There were girls practicing their routines in the center of the ice, and boys with hockey gear going very fast and then skidding to an ice-shower stop. There was a guy wearing an orange safety vest skating over to the little kids sitting on the ice and asking if they were okay. I lost my locker rental quarter under the candy machine. A ten-year-old kid said “I think your hands are smaller than mine are” and walked away.

I haven’t been ice skating in 18 years. I spread my arms and tried to make my body as large as possible for balance. I went around a few times and felt like I understood it better. I realized that going faster over the pits and grooves in the ice made them less perilous to my balance. The ice skating rink music was piped in from a wedding reception DJ’s playlist. I watched some of the hockey players and tried to mimic their movement when taking the turn, putting one foot in front of the other and leaning instead of pushing with a wider stance. I tried lowering my arms and immediately raised them up again.

I took a break to re-tie my skates. When I got back on the ice I was feeling a little braver. Wiping the ice off the blades made my skates feel sharper. One of the guys started skating around me, skating backwards, looking behind. He seemed like kind of an asshole. I came up with the theory that dudes who go by themselves to skating rinks are half into hockey and half into unaccompanied minors. I tried to get a read on him based on his facial hair. He had a ponytail, which suggested one, and a soul patch, which suggested the other. Maybe the other way around. I got distracted. I lowered my arms. The curve approached. My slower skate found a pit in the ice.

My book comes out Tuesday.

Readings, hot dogs, tournament-style Magic. Dodge Grand Caravan or similar. Cat allergies, Nilla Wafers. Mock debate. Real debate. Fistfights. Court injunctions. State fairs. Featuring Aaron Burch, Blake Butler, Lindsay Hunter, Mary Hamilton, Jac Jemc, and me.

Madison
Quickies! The Gathering! Madison
Friday, August 27
High-Noon Saloon
701A E. Washington Ave.
6 PM FREE!

Minneapolis/St. Paul
Quickies! The Gathering! With Replacement Press
Saturday, August 28
The Clown Lounge
1601 W University Ave, St. Paul
7 PM FREE!

Iowa City
Quickies! The Gathering! Iowa City
Sunday, August 29
The Mill
120 East Burlington St
7 PM FREE!

Chicago
Monday, August 30
DADDY’S BOOK RELEASE PARTY
The Hideout
1354 West Wabansia Ave
7:30 PM $10 admission + book

• C.L. Bledsoe’s title “If You Meet a Man in the Street Who Claims to Be Rupert Murdoch, Kill Him; the True Rupert Murdoch Is Within” I read the title to my girl Amy, who was beside me on a towel at the springs. She said “That’s crazy.” I almost read her the piece, which is also good, but then I realized she was flirting with this bartender guy she knows, so I didn’t
• Gregory Sherl, all of it man all of it “Here, a Place I Have Never Touched” is rad. “Sometimes we’re so far from each other it’s like we’re not even connected by stars. The stars said fuck it and gave up.” Real happy to see sincerity in blend with this levity. His might be my favorite pieces in this. I spilled coffee on them
• Blake Butler’s “Camera Eye” After I read this outside it felt like I was being recorded or that the sun/sky was itself a recording. Good one: ”cut up, runny, on the roof” phew
• Rebecca Sherm’s “Cherry Pie” Super sexy. This marks the second time this summer I’ve read butter as sexy. Brings me one step closer to mayo erotica. I pulled this story out to mail my girl Sarah
• Shane Jones’s “Lumberjack and Bear” Strange and sweet. I wondered why it was in numbered grafs, though it did make me think of an advent calendar, and then think about how cool it would be to do a linked flash chapbook in the form of an advent calendar, and each day you pulled out a new piece of the story that also worked independently
• Ethel Rohan’s disease stories Spending a lot of time thinking about an infant covered in seeping brown crust

catching some rays

Check out a nice article in the Chronicle all about reading shows in Austin, new and old. Check out the weather in Austin and pity me because it’s 101°F but feels like the inside of a 109°F sponge. I’m gonna go delicately faint on a chaise.

DAY 1 Aaron and I learned that “or similar” means we get a Hyundai Accent and we drove into the desert. I asked him if he has ever seen rain. We listened to a woman say “Obamacare” on talk radio and drove over the pass into California and across the dunes and into San Diego. It is so beautiful in San Diego. You’re required by local law to say “it is beautiful here” three times an hour. We met up with Jim Ruland and his wife Nuvia, Lindsay showed up from the airport looking fresh, Adam Novy arrived and photographed the waitress, and we kicked off the tour with over 100 in attendance at Vermin on the Mount. We ate late-night lobster tacos and woke up to fruit and yogurt and coffee, at which point I realized I was in California.

From Nuvia with love

DAY 2 cinnamon sprinkled in my coffee. We hit traffic on the way into Costa Mesa, where we got to spend much less time than I would have liked with my old friend Josh and his lady Brianna. Got in a shower and a little TV. I cut some threats into cards and arranged the cards. Lindsay and I did our makeup together and drank mai tais out of coffee cups. We got our Oaxacan food on at Guelaguetza with Jim and Nuvia, who helped us order the proper mole. LA traffic happened. We read at Vermin on the Mount at The Mountain Bar in Chinatown. Aaron read his suspenders story and Lindsay read the one about the baby what says “honey.” Lindsay and I got pensive and then we went to a bar with J Ryan Stradal and Sal Plascencia and friends. J Ryan took us home and gave us soft places to sleep under the Hollywood sign.

New friend

DAY 3 I found out that I like taking pictures of Lindsay right after she wakes up. J Ryan made coffee and we had pleasant talks on books and shows. After breakfast with Mike Alber and his wife Julie, we took the coastal highway and watched the fog burn off and played Girl Scout games. I drove the switchbacks and felt distinctly that we had entered a loop. At one point, we drove onto the beach on accident. We ended up in Santa Cruz, meeting my girl Sarah Faulkner and her man James just as they put burgers on the grill. Lindsay fell in love with their malamute, Demo. They got married on the beach. It was good to have a day without reading and we spent our evening absorbing the scenery and putting on pajamas and talking books.

Demo ate the flowers

DAY 4 we took Demo to a lighthouse and walked up the beach, then caravaned it into Lafayette. Sarah joined the party and we swam in the pool at her sister’s house before putting ourselves back together and heading into town for the reading. We had dinner with Jimmy Chen and Reynard Seifert and friends, then headed to the reading. Instead of introducing ourselves we picked out songs to introduce us, and Aaron read in a Lucha Libre mask and Lindsay read Meat From A Meat Man and I read the threats. We had a secret flask to avoid San Francisco’s bar prices. It was the day Prop 8 was overturned. We danced and found a guitar smashed in the street.

Fruit snack

DAY 5 we all woke up rich in Lafayette. Lindsay had to go home and the rest of us ate Eggos and laid out by the pool. Sarah and I talked about memorable recipes we have made since we saw each other last. Aaron developed his first of two sunburns. We ordered a pizza and forgot we were on a book tour. Started to understand the intricacies of “California Gurls.” We took the train into town and read with Lauren Becker, Greg Gerke, Andrea Kneeland, and Adam Novy. Stephen Elliott and Ethel Rohan were in attendance, among others, and I felt heartened and hug life. We continued a trend of late-night Mexican food and caught the last train home. I put my most beautiful face on Sarah’s lap. We got to Lafayette and ate candy.

The Accent rests

DAY 6 We said good-bye to Sarah and made the Sacramento drive. I snipped up our faux-polaroids to send out in the post and we met up with Elijah Jenkins to talk strategy and shoot guns before heading out for nachos and Chimay. Deena Drewis arrived in a striped dress, wearing a pendant featuring a bird absconding with a glass drop. I’m not sure if you have heard of and/or met any California girls, but I wish we could all be them. The night continued, with a reading that involved me standing on a chair to attempt to scream over some business networkers who had been double-booked at the venue. We gave up on the bar, but  it was nobody’s fault, and really, best nachos of my life. Aaron and I left Sacramento at about midnight and made it to Reno at two in the morning. I curled up with the guts of a disassembled keyboard.

Sacramento girl

DAY 7 started with Eggs Benedict with Gabe Urza. We drove to his dad’s place and ate grapes. I drove south and met with my money words bosses for a lovely lunch while Gabe and Aaron embarked on a multi-hour float down a river. Our arms got twisted into experiencing delicious Basque cuisine in the shadow of the Harrah’s: vegetable soup, beef stew, bread, cheese, lamb chops dotted with crunchy garlic, bottles and bottles of wine. I amended my opinion of Reno. Jeremy said if he never saw a Chevrolet again he would be happy. We played blackjack for eight hours and learned how to do craps the hard way.

Clean plate club

DAY 8 we learned that Ken Baumann, a writer friend of ours who is also on a television show, was having his 21st birthday party in North Hollywood. Since our other option was to take the lonely road through Vegas, we opted to take the 395 between Yosemite and Death Valley, which ended up being the kind of stunningly beautiful drive you can only take in for so many hours before you have to start ignoring it or else you end up stopping and living there and going to the gas station in your bare feet and pajamas to pick up a suitcase of beer. The drive went fast and we picked up some jerky for the birthday boy. J Ryan welcomed us into his home again and bought us supper and gave us scotch mixed with ginger beer and talked about how it’s important for children to see their parents emotionally invested in a thing. At the party, we met new and old friends, I heard about Houston architecture and amended my opinion of Houston. Nick Antosca kindly offered us a spontaneous home so we didn’t have to sleep in the car.

Everyone has a web presence

DAY 9 was the last long drive, we aspired to make it to Phoenix but pushed it on into Tucson. I destroyed a tumbleweed and gunned it past a dust storm. The scenery changed from one kind of desert to another. Now I’m in Tucson, listening to the dog sigh and my parents talk. I feel a connection with California that I haven’t felt since I was watching it from the inside of a Greyhound. We have one more reading, the one that inspired the whole trip, on the 11th in Tucson, and then home.

We set up a Twitter. I got an interview up at Black Heart. Sass in the grass. Looking forward to seeing Lindsay and friends up the coast.

now just fix Teach for America and we'll be all set

1. Michelle Rhee, Chancellor of D.C. Schools, who just dismissed 241 teachers, including 165 who received poor appraisals and 76 who were not properly licensed to teach, in an attempt to turn around a district with one of the weakest academic records of any urban school system in the nation.

2. The Austin Women’s Shelter SafePets program, which asks for volunteers to foster animals when their owner needs to go to the shelter. “In recent surveys of survivors entering shelters across the country, half report that their partner threatened, hurt or killed their pets before they left.”

3. The crowded Pima County morgue as deaths in the desert around Tucson rise with immigration enforcement. “As we gain more control, the smugglers are taking people out to even more remote areas,” said Omar Candelaria, the special operations supervisor for the Border Patrol’s Tucson Sector. “They have further to walk and they are less prepared for the journey, and they don’t make it.”

obviously this guy was going to be a huge threat

reader, I married him

Trip-planning for this west coast tour. Our Kickstarter got mega-funded. I had to peel my jaw off the ground and reconstruct a new face. Aaron and Lindsay and I are very grateful for your generosity. It’s going to be open for a few more days for anyone else who wants t-shirts/books/sand. We decided that if there’s a profit after shipping, t-shirt buying, books, rental, and gas, we’ll put it towards rental expenses for the Quickies Midwest tour happening at the end of the month. My new face looks okay.

Full to-do list. I think I’m going to cry with relief the moment my feet touch the California coast and whoever witnesses that is going to have to look in another direction.

There were two flies on the window screen and when I turned on the a/c, I closed the window and trapped one fly within the window and one fly within the house. I watched them try to reach each other with the layer of glass separating until I couldn’t stand it and opened the glass to let the housefly into the screen, but then the housefly flew further into the house and the screenfly slipped out the screen and flew away too and now I feel like an idiot.

Spent some time reading “Airplane!” trivia today. Did you know that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was offered $30,000 to appear in the film, but he asked for $35,000 to buy an oriental rug? That’s something that happened in the history of the world.

Yesterday I covered myself in vinegar to relieve a sunburn and then I smelled like a salad with a sunburn. I’ve lived alone for three years now. Half of my bed is covered in laundry. I have a lot of stuff to do today but all I want to do is write in my blog and watch the flies try to escape my air-conditioned home.

Nancy Lili G has a kind review and a sweet contest over at her blog: comment over there before Wednesday for a chance to win a copy of AM/PM. I like that someone read my book while waiting to get a tattoo. Thanks, Nancy Lili G.

It’s a cicada day in Texas. Somebody is using a machine.

I’m mapping out a plot today, using different colored inks and pencils to delineate action and requirement because I am five years old. I can’t keep elements clear in my head so it needs to go on the big paper. Back to work.

halfway done

San Diego:
Saturday, July 31 8pm – 11pm
Vermin on the Mount
with Aaron Burch, Lisa Fugard, Amelia Gray, Jess Jollett, Lindsay Hunter, Enriqu Limón, Adam Novy & Andy Roe
Sushi Performance & Visual Arts
390 Eleventh Ave FREE!

Los Angeles:
Sunday, August 1st 9-11pm
Vermin on the Mount Six-Year Anniversary
with Jillian Lauren, Aaron Burch, Amelia Gray, Lindsay Hunter & Adam Novy
The Mountain Bar
473 Gin Ling Way FREE!

San Francisco:
Tuesday, August 3rd 9pm
The High Emission Book Tour
with Aaron Burch, Amelia Gray, Lindsay Hunter and Reynard Seifert
Amnesia Bar
853 Valencia St. FREE!

San Francisco:
Wednesday, August 4th 7:00pm
Random Hookup: Corium + Hobart
with Aaron Burch, Lauren Becker, Amelia Gray, Andrea Kneeland, Greg Gerke, and Adam Novy
The Knockout
3223 Mission at Valencia St FREE!

Sacramento:
Thursday, August 5
Burch & Gray with Flatmancrooked PubQuiz
with Aaron Burch and Amelia Gray
Pangaea Cafe, 7pm FREE!

Tucson:
Wednesday, August 11
Powhaus Productions Presents Lit!
Rialto Theatre, 7pm
with Spork Press
318 E. Congress St. $3